Energizer Bunny? Not so Much

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I managed to have my children nine years apart. Everyone said it was crazy. I enjoyed it. While the eldest was in school, I got to have one on one with the baby. Looking back, it was wonderful. Wouldn't change it for the world. 

But now, as a middle-aged mom, I deal with a sense of guilt. I always wonder if my second child was robbed of things I did with her brother. I was twenty when I had him. We did everything together.... I was still young and energetic. Fast forward, today I am not. Divorced and with today's recession and economic crisis, I work full time. I'm not the young, new mother with all the energy and time of the Energizer Bunny. Throw in a lazy thyroid, and fibromyalgia, and some days I'm slower than the molasses escaping from the mason jar. 

My daughter is amazing. Vibrant and full of electricity, fueled by sass. I know she was to young to look back and remember the days when I could run around the track cheering her brother on as he fought to cross the finish line first. But I'm not too old to remember, and some days, it makes me just want to cry. 

I can't be the only middle-aged mom who deals with this. It should have a name. We should start a club. Meet once a week for support. {We could meet on face time, so we didn't have to feel responsible to put jeans on and actually GO, lol} But then, of course, I'd feel guilty for using that time for ME, instead of her. Even though she is in her room, music vibrating the windows, and 4 other voices emanating from her phone speaker. I at least know that I am sitting on my couch crocheting a blanket, ready for some one on one with her when she is ready. If I haven't fallen asleep while waiting. 

Does she stay in her room because somewhere, subconsciously, she remembers that volleyball tournament in grade school that I just could not pull myself together for in order to attend? Or is it the lunch date I had to call off, because of a brain splitting headache? The Valentine Party in the 2nd grade that I couldn't take off work for? So many options, leading to one question. Did I disappoint her? Just to type it breaks my heart. 

Tell me I'm not the only one. Tell me someone else had to send their child to daycare and cry all the way to work. Tell me she is a typical teen, who knows her mom would give her the stars in the sky if she were able. 

I need to know what to name our club. Or is there one already out there, and if so... did the mail lady lose my invitation? Can someone send me a new one? 

Oh, and I need written instructions on how to work this face time thing. Add those in the P.S. of the invite. 

Please.

I know you're out there.

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Where Did The Fly on the Ceiling Come From?

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Why can't we have another tea party with the plastic Dora tea set?

Once they turn 14, is it customary for the hip to slip out of socket every time I speak?

Is there something on the ceiling that only I can't see, and only seems to need to be watched while I am talking?

When did cold cereal start tasting better than a homemade breakfast?

What is this new language they speak when talking to friends?

Will her friends really disown her if she doesn't get a piercing in her face?

When was my shiny golden 'Mother of the Year' statue stolen from the mantal?

Do I seriously look like a dork if I wear a coat when it's below 20 degrees outside?

What is a dork?

Overnight, I believe she morphed into a vampire, and cannot be seen in daylight before 4pm

What kind of fun starts after 10pm, and will you REALLY die if you miss it?

Why isn't she embarrassed of the piles of empty water bottles and dirty clothes stacked up in her room?

Will the universe suddenly crumble around her when I make her clean it?

Am I truly going to ruin her life, landing her in therapy at the age of 30, because I grounded her for not cleaning her room?

Does the world stop if she can't own a pair of Nike's?

Should I learn CPR in order to save her life, after each time I tell her 'no'?

Why does the Domino's pizza at Suzie's house tonight taste better than the Domino's pizza at our house tonight?

Am I neglecting her health, because I don't truly believe she can't hear me?

Have I lost my hearing, because I can't hear the words she just mumbled?

Have I lost sense of the english language because I can't understand what the musical artist XYZ123 just said 5 times in a row?

And why is it that my hearing seems to be extraordinarily sensitive, causing the music to be to loud?

How can they sit in a room together, and all I hear is the sound of buttons being pushed?

Will my grandkids know how to speak... or will all conversations be spoken via text?

Grandkids..... oh no. She's old enough to make me a grandma.

Surely I'm not the only mom in the world that wants to watch their child at a sporting event.

Will her hand really fall off if she waves at me?

Will I melt her skin if I attempt to give her a hug?

And the biggest question of all...

Did body snatchers break into our home in the middle of the night, and take my sweet princess? 

I think so. I think they have relocated her to a land where it's in the rule book that you have to sleep all day, eat cereal in your bed surrounded by dirty clothes and garbage, and flies on the ceiling don't exist. Where the moms wear golden medallions around their neck as they take their kid to get a puncture wound placed on their face, while singing all the words to XYZ123, AND they turn the volume up. Where the use of a chiropracter is obsolete, because it's cool to walk with a limp due to a hip out of place. Where waving and hugging are illegal, vocal conversations don't exist, and nothing opens until after 10pm. The land where you win a pair of Nike's everytime you order a Domino's pizza, and there aren't allowed to be anyone over the age of 21 at sporting events. This is the planet where the stork really does bring the baby, but only after you turn 30.

And tea parties are prohibited.